Thursday, December 4, 2008

Holy Crap, 'Tis the Season for Theme Sweaters

Just because I hate your sweater doesn't mean I hate you. Okay, that being said, I hate your sweater.

I work for a non-profit theatre and we produce a show for family and school audiences every year at Christmas time. Consequently, I have had the displeasure of seeing some of the ugliest Christmas-themed outfits known to (wo)man. How much glitter, beading, sequining and embroidery can you punish one sweater with, for the love of Christ?

And the cotton turtleneck that you are wearing under the offending sweater, dotted with little snowmen, is not giving my eyes any respite. You do not need to add insult to injury. You can't improve ugly by layering ugly under it.

I wish I were allowed to take photographs in the theatre tomorrow. It's our first performance of our holiday show, "The Best Christmas Pageant, Ever." I would love to post them on this blog and have a contest for "The Ugliest Christmas Sweater, Ever."

Then I could punish the winner with a public spanking.

There, I've said it!

I feel somehow cleansed.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well... we can't work together anymore.
Eric (Former office spouse)

Robinitaface said...

Don't forget about the dangly earrings! Christmas lights, snowmen, bells with bows on them, reindeer heads...

Steven Koehler said...

It was always one of my favorite parts about running sound for the Christmas Show.

pnlkotula said...

I resemble that remark. But I'm Mrs. Claus. I bet, though, that I have the winner of that contest! I only wore it once a year and only when I was with my church choir who gave it to me. It has a choir of angels in the shape of a Christmas tree on it, and the one at the bottom with a baton in its hand was supposed to be me. Sweet heavens, indeed.

sassafrasjunction said...

I'm with Robinita on this one -- those light up earingnecklace combos send me into epileptic seizures.

I always wanted to have an Ugly Christmas Sweater party, sending my girlfriends into the Goodwills of our fine nation and not only buying up potentially horrific outer wear during the crucial holiday season but then being able to drink mimosas together (and spill them on said sweaters), allowing us to laugh off this particular nightmare of modern Christmas.

Flying Buttress said...

i thought it was only me....this year is especially bad. Your standards rule....now about these recurring party schmatas.....