Thursday, September 25, 2008

A Whole New Kind of Birthday

As far as I know, I am the inventor of the Quinticentennial Celebration. What the sam hamwich is a Quinticentennial, you ask?

The Quinticentennial is the celebration of a person's 500-month-old birthday. It happens when you are 41 years and 8 months old. (Don't try to do the math in your head if you're at a party and you've been drinking, like we attempted to do last Sunday night. Tragic.) How did the tradition of the Quinticentennial Celebration begin, you ask?

It started when my friends began to have children. They had this annoying habit of always expressing their children's ages in terms of months instead of years.

Janine: "Oh, she's so precious and talkative! How old is she?"

Annoying Friend: "She just turned 26 months!"

26 months? Why don't you just say she's 2?

So I used to make fun of this all the time. Okay, I still make fun of it. And I had this idea that I would go around expressing my age in months instead of years.

Me: "My skin looks pretty damned good, considering I've just turned 492 months old."

My sweet and reasonable friend Lisa reminded me that parents do this because that's how the kids' clothing sizes are set up in the stores. And you know, that's true. You shop for baby clothes by months, then when they get a little bigger, I think it still goes by years. Thank goodness that ends when we grow up.

Andy Cleveland thought it would be hilarious if we still had to buy our clothes according to our ages, long into adulthood. Imagine going into Macy's and asking for the women's size 49 panties! Or the men's 600-month pants!

I maintain that 500 months is a significant milestone in one's life, and one should be taken out to lunch and lavished with presents on one's Quinticentennial!

I treated my dear Robyn O'Neill to lunch for her QC, and I'm sure she'll be taking me out for mine, when that day finally comes. Shut up.

Hallmark should have a whole rack of cards devoted to it. And they need to pay me for the idea!

15 comments:

pnlkotula said...

Yay - something to look forward to. And funny for me, my quinticentennial will be on my niece's birthday, as she is exactly 8 months younger than me! I had so much fun with you guys, until Monday morning...

Robyn O'Neill said...

MFG, I'll take you out anytime for no reason at all! xoxox

Amy Sullivan said...

Damn~ Janine~
I have missed my Quinticentennial Celebration by 92 months!!

So~ I am 592 months old~I don't think I like the sound of that~ so in May ~can I celebrate my 600 months, "what would that be called?"
~Amy~

Janine Serresseque said...

Perhaps a hexacentennial? I will research!

Robyn O'Neill said...

I think it would be a sexacentennial. Oh the celebrations for that one!

Janine Serresseque said...

You're right, Robyn! At least, according to this link you are:

http://www.mranniversarygift.com/archive/2006_10_01_archive.htm

JB said...

I think mine is coming up soon. can someone else do the math and tell me. Janine - you were at my 40th - that was 3 months ago - do I have 5 more months or a year and 5 months or 17 more months? I must know as this is the best idea I have heard in a long time.

Janine Serresseque said...

JB, it's 8 months after you turn 41,so that's going to be like, late January of 2010?? I think.

Brett said...

I just really like your blog, Janine.
-Audra

sassafrasjunction said...

OMG, I completely loathe that trend, too! I think it was George Carlin who said, "Don't tell me your kid is 20-some months! He's TWO. He's not an aged cheese, and I didn't really care in the first place."

debra said...

I actually think this is coming up for me. Like in January? I'm terrible at math. If we're not on the breadlines by then who wants to take me out and get me drunk?

Robyn O'Neill said...

Oh, I do! You're a good kisser.

Janine Serresseque said...

January? Do I have to wait 'til then to get you drunk?

debra said...

Hell no. And now I think, it might even be end of Feb. That is a LONG time from now. Almost, like, forever.

Amy Sullivan said...

I do feel a little bit better knowing~ I have my sexacentennial to look forward to on May 3, 2009.
~Amy~